Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
