You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
