i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
