Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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