You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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