You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
