today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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