Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
