Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
