Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
