For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
