sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
