Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
