Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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