I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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