New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
