I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
