I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
