you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
