YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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