jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
