Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize