did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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