Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
