we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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