your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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