Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
