This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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