His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
