My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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