Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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