Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
