Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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