I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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