I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
