K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize