Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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