No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
