No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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