i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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