Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize