it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
