I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
porn star boner night. come get it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
