Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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