she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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