Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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