This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
