He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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