Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
