I got chris browned last night
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
