I faked an abortion last night.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
