Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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