do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
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Did I show you my penis last night?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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