Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
