Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
