Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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