But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
