Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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