My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
