I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
