you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
