I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
