tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
