So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
