if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
