So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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