I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize