Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
