Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

You can't special order awesome

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(510): View more from California

I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.

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(214): View more from Texas

He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"

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(914): View more from New York

Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.

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(549): View more from

Just put me in your contacts as coyote

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church

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