So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
