I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
