I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
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with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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