Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
