Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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