I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
