my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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