True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
